Tina Belchers Rollercoaster of Love

first_img Tina Belcher, the eldest of the Belcher siblings, is a feminist and utterly hopeless romantic. She knows what she wants and doesn’t care about the levels of embarrassment she goes through to obtain it.That’s the beauty of this Belcher. She’s literally in the midst of her unapologetic budding sexuality. She’s obsessed with boys, loves zombies, has strange dreams about both equally and ultimately goes about her day, still waking early to write fics. Her parents and siblings are always on her side, even if most of the things she does gets a little too weird, even for them. However, the one thing that Tina tries to take control of – and has little to no control over is her love life.It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster to get the love that she truly deserves. To document Tina’s rollercoaster of love, we have to take a look back at the boys that Tina has dated. We’ll go from the good, the bad, the ugly and the mmm…maybe because I’ll be throwing in a surprise pick. So, hold onto your butts, and let’s get started!via FoxTHE UGLYTina has dated some guys that have straight up played games with her heart and mind for their own personal gain. These boys not only haven’t treated her right, but Jonas and Nathan have proved to be little scumbags all around.JONAS was… a piece of work. Jonas was a delivery boy and a passing crush of Tina’s in the episode “Uncle Teddy.” (S4E14) He manipulates Tina by using his “good” looks and melodica skills, which honestly sounds like the coolest instrument in the world if Jonas wasn’t playing it. He also uses his breezy blonde hair to take advantage of Tina to gain access to the restaurant for him and his friends. Not cool, Jonas, not cool.via FoxIt’s understandable why Tina liked Jonas. He’s the guy you’ve swooned over for and did anything for because his attractive teen boy looks just drove you wild. We’ve ALL been there, for better or for worse, but thankfully, Tina wakes up to Jonas’ bull. And when she does, it’s just in time for Teddy gives him and his moped a jump off a cliff to wake HIM up.NATHAN‘s the worst out the both of them. In “Beefsquatch” (S2E9), Nathan is a massive fan of Get On Up with Chuck and Pam and obsessed with Pam, one of the hosts. He went to every taping produced. That’s enormous dedication or dangerous stalking; I can’t decide. Nathan just couldn’t get close tasting the hair of Pam, so he came up with a plan. Tina had backstage access because of Bob and Gene, Nathan used this to his advantage and started “dating” Tina to gain that access.Nathan was terrible. He not only used Tina for his gain but also showed signs of being an emotionally abusive boyfriend. The way Nathan speaks to her is out right disrespectful, telling her “don’t tell me how to love you” wasn’t what she deserved. He also used Tina’s image and dressed as her to manipulate and get what he wanted. That’s not cosplaying, and she surely didn’t consent. Nathan was a terrible human specimen of a boy that very much rubs you the wrong way. *blows raspberries at Nathan* Good riddance.THE BADNow, not all the boys in Tina’s dating life are as ugly as these. However, some of them are either bad news or plan ol’ bad FOR her. She goes out of the way for these boys, and they completely ignore her until she’s with someone else. Oh, let’s not beat around the bush. The only person on this particular BAD list is Jimmy freakin’ Pesto Jr.We might have some different opinions on the matter, but I’ll come out and say it right now: JIMMY JR. is the WORSSSSSTTTTTTTT. Tina has pinned over him since the beginning. He somehow fails to realize how in love with her he truly is until the last minute. There’s just something about Jimmy that she just can’t get over (his butt) and some of us just wish she would.via FoxTina has “logged over 3000 fantasy hours with him”, but the way he treats her is like she’s an afterthought. Jimmy likes the attention that he gets from Tina, even though, he seems annoyed by it. That is until Tina is around another boy, he all of a sudden becomes jealous and needs her to be his.In dating, Jimmy is the person you’ve pined over, doesn’t want you, but when you find someone better… you’re the most valuable girl in their life. He hits you with a “You up?” at three in the morning and tells you about HIS day, but never asks about yours. Tina deserves better than Jimmy Pesto Jr. and his wishy-washy attitude. “The Land Ship” (S6E2) made it seem like they were going on a path that might lead to more, but it reverts to what it’s always been. Again, JIMMY IS  THE WORSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTT.THE SAY WHAAA?We’re just reaching the top of the rollercoaster that is Tina’s love life. We’ve started from the bottom now we’re here. (You’re welcome). Before we make that big drop, we’ve got to talk about some bizarre choices that Tina has dated. Henry Haber and Jeff, The Ghost Boyfriend, are two options that you have to triple take and literally go, “Say Whaaaa?!”“Tina and the Real Ghost” (S5E2) introduces us to JEFF the best ghost boyfriend who ever lived… kinda. After Linda, Gene, Louise, and Tina try to summon the spirit residing in the basement via an Ouija board, they find out that he’s a 13-year-old boy. Tina becomes smitten instantly, and the pair soon becomes a couple. However, when Jeff decides to “switch” girlfriends, he decides to date Tammy instead. He breaks it off with Tina via a steamed break up message on the school’s bathroom mirror. But, better than text, right?via FoxJeff was an interesting choice for Tina, but a choice that was worth Tina knowing what a boyfriend can do for you. When Tina took Jeff to the butterfly exhibit, and when the butterfly landed on the nose it was supposed to be Jeff giving her butterfly kisses. You couldn’t help but smile at this couple. Tina deserves this kind of attention and love from someone.One thing I love about Tina is that she knows when something isn’t right for her. This was the case with HENRY HABOR. We first meet Henry in the episode, “Carpe Museum” (s3e22), but the interaction between these two wasn’t as pleasant as the next time we see them together. Henry and Tina are the dorks of the Wagstaff. Tina says that everyone calls Henry the “school weirdo,” but in the episode, they try to help each other be a little less dorky to everyone.The next time we see them together is in “Ain’t Miss Debatin” (S7E15). Henry asks Tina to join the debate team and becomes smitten with her for her mad fire debate skills. They made a pros and cons list on if they should date and Tina wins, acting as Pros. Tina knew it wasn’t a right match for her, but she dated him because logic dictated they’d be right together even though she couldn’t fall in love with him. Tina ends up falling for another boy from a rival debate team, soon breaking up with Henry.via FoxI know I put Henry in the Say Whaaaa? section, but Henry wasn’t a bad match for Tina. They could have worked so well together if not for the bizarreness of their pros and cons list of dating each other. Tina wanted to date him because of logic, but the brain and the heart want something different. Especially if that something different is boys with long neck and accents. I’d make the same choice too.THE GOODNow that we’ve gotten The Ugly, The Bad and The Say Whaaaa?!’s out of the way, we can dive into some better loves that Tina has had. When Tina’s presented with the real deals, she was outstanding. There’s a moderate amount of right in Tina’s love life, so she takes what she can get. With Darryl and Jordan, they were all worthy candidates for Tina’s love and for different reasons.As much as we love DARRYL, I think we can all agree that he’s not right for Tina. But the way he treated Tina when they were “dating” deserves an honorable mention in this article. “Can’t Buy Me Math” (S5E11) focused on Tina and Darryl as they hatched a plan to date each other to obtain their actual crushes, Rose Batista and Jimmy Jr. To do this, they would need to win ‘Cupid’s Couple’ at the Valentine’s Day dance. Tina starts to coach Darryl on how to be a boyfriend. When they break up after the dance, the plan seemed to have worked almost too well.via FoxTina starts to get jealous of Darryl and Rosa, believing that she does have feelings for Darryl and ends up breaking up Rosa and Darryl for a little while. Thankfully, she fixes their relationship, but Tina is still left alone.Darryl is a type of unexpected love. The guy that you’re not sure if you like him or want to stay away from him, but once you get to know him, you see him in a brand new light. For Tina, he isn’t HER person that she should have as an endgame. He’s one of the best guys ever. I mean… Have you heard that voice?“The Land Ship” (S6E2) introduced us to another love for Tina. As good as it could have been, JORDAN CAGEN came with a lot of moral issues for Tina. He also came with a human face sucking problem as well. In an attempt to spice up her life, Tina hangs out with Ghost Boy, someone who graffiti artist who tagged a couple of plays. She finds out later that it’s Jordan, a fellow Wagstaff student.Tina starts to like him for his bad boy attitude and them “… did something like kissing” aka, he became her Facehugger. Tina eventually had to make a major decision: to help Jordan with his master plan of painting Ghost Boy on the Land Ship OR to cover it up and let no one knows he did it and that she helped him with it. She chose the latter, putting her relationship with him in a downfall.via Fox / TumblrThis was a relationship that Tina could easily blend into without going full “bad girl” like she did with Tammy. Jordan was a fresh start for her. The “bad boy” that wasn’t so bad, but just liked to do bad things on occasion, you know – when the mood was right. Even though Jordan was one of the fresh choices for Tina, his kissing skills could use a lot of work. Tina even said that it was hard for her to breathe when he kissed her, but — to give him some credit — Tina was his first kiss, so one day, he will hopefully learn how not to smother anyone with his mouth.THE MMM… MAYBEIt might just be me reading a bit into these, but I think Zeke and Tammy would be ace partners for Tina. They both present something that she’s never had before. On one side, a straight out of a fanfic prompt and trope. On the other, a reoccurring situation that could be one of her endgames. Tammy and Zeke present a superb case of why they should be with Tina, and I’d like to tell you why.To plead my case for TAMMY LARSEN, I must give the following disclaimer. Tina has NEVER had a crush on Tammy or vice versa. I acknowledge that, but they have all of the ingredients for the classic fic prompt/trope of enemies to lovers tale.via FoxTina and Tammy are rivals but started out as friends. Tammy says mean things to Tina, but Tina always comes back hard (if she can get a word). Yes, Tammy is a very negative influence on Tina. Tammy is almost always a little jealous of Tina when she gets the spotlight. Tina thinks that they can be friends, even after all the mean things they spew back and forth at each other, I believe they have the potential to look past middle school drama bombs and not just be friends, but develop some deep crushes.If Tina wants to live in a fanfic, what better way to live it out? It would be somewhat cool if the creators of Bob’s Burgers gave a twist to Tina’s next love. Listen, I know this is wishful thinking, let me have my dream.Now, the moment I’ve been waiting for. We’re at the top of the rollercoaster guys, and we’re just about to fall. ZEKE and Tina are my personal OTP. I love them together for a lot of different reasons. #1, his name doesn’t begin with J. #2, he pays attention to Tina WAY more than almost anyone else has (except Josh, but we’ll get to that soon). I think Tina and Zeke could be the epitome of opposites attract if they both gave each other a chance.via FoxA couple of episodes that helps this theory start with “Broadcast Wagstaff School News.” (S3E12) When Tina researched who the Mad Pooper was, she discovered that Zeke was the one who was pooped around the school. He was going to stop until he noticed that the story was important to Tina, so he continued. I mean… Can you think of a better way to get a girl’s attention?“Midday Run” (S5E8) is another episode that catches their cuteness together. They’re stuck together for half the episode! Zeke even says to Tina, ““Damn Tina. Now I got a story to tell on our wedding day. You think that’s not going to happen, but I’ll getcha girl! I’m gonna getcha!” How cute is that? Zeke would be a perfect match for Tina at the end of the day. He pays attention to her wants and needs. Behind the rough guys exterior, Zeke’s a super sweetie underneath it all.THE BESTPrepare to swoon as we fall in love with JOSH all over again. Josh is the best of the best. The best boy of this love rollercoaster, the one you want to see at the top before you fall in love screaming how perfect they are until your lungs collapse. (How are these rollercoaster puns for you?) Tina could have had it all with Josh if she didn’t let her greed get in the way.via Fox / TumblrThey first met in Cinderella type situation in the episode “Lindapendent Woman” (S3E14). It was interesting (and sweet) to watch them get along behind the dairy freezer. It would have been even more interesting to see this relationship carry on for awhile. Josh isn’t just sweet towards Tina, but also super attentive to her needs.However, in “Two for Tina” (S3E17), Tina has to decide if she wants to go to the dance with Josh or Jimmy Jr. Josh treats her so wonderfully, and Jimmy Jr. only wants her because another boy has her. By the time they get to the dance, the boys engage in a dance off for Tina’s attention. Tina does the one thing that will either make or break something. She chooses both of them. They don’t choose her.Now, it’s always lovely when a character wants to make a polyamorous relationship work. However, the boys were not about that type of life. She needed to talk with them about that first before she grabbed a handful of butts and decided both of them were hers. Josh is and always will be the best boy for Tina because of his pure sweetness and his epic dancing skills. I wish Tina and Josh would work out and hopefully, she didn’t mess that up forever.And there you have it. The ins and outs, ups and down, twists and turns and an every so hilarious ride that is the love life of Tina Belcher. It’s been a while journey for seven seasons so far. Here’s to hoping that Tina finds a true love somewhere that will make her happy. And that it’s not Jimmy freakin’ Pesto, Jr.  Tune in next time for a look into the journey of Gene’s musical adventures! (Maybe, I hope so. :P)Let us know what you like about Geek by taking our survey. Stay on target Top Movies and TV Panels to Keep on Your Radar for SDCC 2019Best Father’s Day TV Episodes to Stream This Weekend last_img read more